its been so fucking long since i last posted. hais~ went to LA & vegas for 2 weeks~ back & found out so many things has changed... so many things as happened... sososo many things... ppl that i love, all changed.
anyway i spend christmas with baby.
last few days kept ton-ing away. last night too... & becos of it, quarrelled with baby. since when our love became so fragile? i wonder...
jus becos i din reply? or becos i last min say wan ton? but when he did those things did i say so much? wadever. he said he dont feel like meeting me today... so... kill time myself. wait until he wan meet then meet ba. jus 1 call, i will be there. jus 1 word i will shoo far far away.
wondering should i go & jus take a look at him for a sec at a dist? everyone say i should not. but my heart cant bear to :( why i love him so much? why everytime in a r/s i had to go through so much pain :( why being a fucking woof still he is not satisfied? i wonder... wad should i do?
should i go back to the past. being a woof? brothers & sisters says no. but my heart tells me that if i do, maybe he will be happier. & we will have less quarrels. brother told me that if 1 day i cant take it anymore i should let go... but i really dont wan to... i believe i can endure it de... i can alr fucking endure that jerk for 2 whole yrs why cant i endure now? anyway he is diff from the jerk, i believe we can last long. if i wan to. i will only go away if he asks me to... i will only let go if he throw me away :( i wonder ... will he?
he said that he cant give me a lot. did i expect a lot? i guess i did... i wan to see him EVERYDAY. but i dont mind travelling all alone to find him & jus seeing him for 1 sec & go home myself. even seeing him at a dist without letting him know. will it trouble him a lot? i jus dont wan him to hong. is it hard? can eu believe that eur bf can tell eu go hong & he dont mind? i wonder... im i his gf?
last night i cried at the playground while talking to him. look up & saw HDB. i tot of death. damn, i dont know why i feel like dying so much everytime i quarrelled with him. the pain... something that words cant express. it is worse than stabbing eu in the heart. last night i had a urge to see my blood drip off myself. jus a urge, i didnt do anything at all. jus a almost.
friends friends friends. is friends more impt? i think so ba. none of them ever make my heart hurt so much. they always manage to cheer me up. they are always there. he make my tears flow. they always make them stop.
i felt so bastard. i rmb brother said that i always with boyfriend. i felt so guilty. all my brothers treat me so good. not to say brothers, even my friends. i wont forget them... they always stand by me. always help me up whenever i fall. always dry my tears when i cry.
still rmb last week. becos i was feeling a bit down. so drag jason lim & jason liow to ton with me. &&& they treat me to damn good. sponser me fishes & prawns. eat & drink. everything i say that they could afford :D i 'kidnap' them for 12 hours. & cos they is kinda 'willing' la :D
friends friends friends. i should learn a bit from him. friends are impt. maybe much more than own boyfr or girlfr. but i know, i will nvr learn la! everyone who knows me know it. i love my boyfr more than i love myself. i wonder... when he will turn back & say i love you?
my love turns sour. should i dispose this sour sour love?
NEVER NEVER NEVER will i dispose it! i will i will say but i nvr did it :D my love for him is so deep. i love you.
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all about her
MarilynYuRuiQi
17yrs-old
20.01.92 is her day.
ex-parrian ; 6Respect'o4
ex-hougean ; 4e3'o8.
simei ite ; UQ0904F'09
pampered girl.
& happily attached to her ♥babytoot♥
dennis piay, i ♥ you.
slacking, her past-time, day-dreaming, her lonely times, crying, her mood swings time, emo-ing, her way of killing time, babytoot, her dearest, brothers, her precious, alcohol, her medication, cigarettes, nvr her addiction.
MarilynYuRuiQi
welcome to his-babygong.bs ;